I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
