Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
