I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My pussy is not your playground.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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