The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
