You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
