Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Someone signed my nipple.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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