going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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