How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
