The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
