we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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