I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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