When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just cropdusted the office
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
soo... how was my night?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
