These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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