never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
