May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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