Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
