uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
