why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
