Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize