I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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