If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
