Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
