It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
