i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
