If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
