Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i think im in europe. pls send help
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
