I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I had to cum in my sink.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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