i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
