Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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