The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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