I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
