I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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