im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's always time for handjobs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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