Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
