You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
