yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
