Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
