i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
