PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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