she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Say something about gay babies.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
