what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
