But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
