I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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