In the future we'll all be gay
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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