Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
