U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
