Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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