Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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