He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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