how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize