i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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