Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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