we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
