hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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