Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I use my feet as sexual weapons
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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