Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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