i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We got so high we made milksteak
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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