tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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