Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
