this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
