question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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