he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
