All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
