his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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