he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
