I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
