my room smells like sperm. sweet.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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