Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
