he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
