apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
