How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize