There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
