so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
