I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
