There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
